Suffering is a choice...
Blog Overview: Mind Chatter / Integrity / Change
Harnessing the inner-sanctuary is the ultimate becoming.
All else is self-imprisonment.
I was suffering last moon cycle, my Mind, the prison. I was self-absorbed and determined to find fault with everything, wishing for something beyond what life was presenting, and scarcely smiling. Buzz-kill to the max. Ask my co-workers...they'd attest.
What a slap in the face to Kaua'i, the actual Garden of Eden. There I was, living in paradise, hardly capable of presencing the extraordinary beauty and magnificence of this sentient, grandmotherly island. I was utterly disconnected and out of gratitude. Quite frankly, I was not deserving of living here.
This isn't some distorted take on worthiness. Instead, it's a matter of integrity.
When playing small and helpless, I am out of integrity. And when out of integrity, I'm vibrating at a lower frequency, thereby leaving the world heavier and hopeless. Don't get me wrong, pain is definitely part of this story. And so are mistakes. I'm not preaching for a guilty complex nor chastisement.
But suffering...now that I cannot condone. Ultimately, that's just succumbing to doubt and unnecessary confusion.
(Which is funny since it was entirely necessary simply because I had that experience!)
Kaua'i demands I show up more fully.
She reminds me that I am not here to dim my light, nor indulge in my selfish suffering. The world is hard enough as it is.
I'm smart (and carry very little trauma)...so there's responsibility involved. I have a "head-start" in some ways due to the fact that my parents ensured I was safe, fed, and provided for.
So when I'm looping in a projection of animosity and rejection, I'm decidedly set on suffering, regardless of the circumstances. To me, that is a choice...the wrong choice.
I'm on the other side now, more aware of what was playing out through me. The takeaway is clear: go inward and tend to the stagnant, distorted clogs in my channel. Take care of it, especially when excuses convince you to disregard the lackluster version, encaged in the Mind. Do it for humanity, as a service simply for the sake of not making the world any less dull, depressed, disappointed, defeated....
In the book "How Yoga Works" by Gesne Michael Roach, I'm learning that any reaction/thought is planting a seed. Last moon cycle, when I was reacting negatively to the circumstances of being without a physical home, I was perpetuating the narrative, setting my future self up for more misery. I was planting many bad seeds.
Roach describes this process as the Circle.
What you dish out, you get back...ten-fold usually.
The good and the bad.
It's a daunting task, stopping the "bad seeds" of my actions and thoughts...mostly the thoughts. Actually, let me tell a different story: it's not a daunting task anymore, it's a simple choice. It's a choice for the well-being of myself, my community, and the greater Collective.
I'm so willing and able to focus on plating "good seeds." It'll take a lot of rewiring, but I'm here for it!
The first step has been to restart my yoga practice daily. The impact has already been immense. I feel clearer and more balanced.
Step by step.
Day by day.
In gratitude.
Lots of love to you all,
Riddle
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